its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
