I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
