He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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