It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
