So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
