Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
