I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
