WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My balls are so social today.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
