Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
