I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
