Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize