What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There's always time for handjobs
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
