As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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