o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
