I've blown a few things in my day
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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