If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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