We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
