She's JV to your varsity
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
