We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
