I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
