It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
