Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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