You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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