He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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