i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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