how hairy? two words: wookie tits
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
