but the lizard people decide everything anyway
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
