Pappa wants mamma naked
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
