Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
