We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
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