Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
