i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
