You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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