it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
