dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
