Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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