There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
