Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
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