I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
