Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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