It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
