Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
