We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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