Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize