Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
