Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
