All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
