I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
