wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
