i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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