Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
