You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You pole danced in your parka.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
