Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
