There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
