Jerry, you need to find god
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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