just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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