that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
