The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
