i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize