i'm signing you up for texting rehab
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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