"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
